A few weeks ago a colleague of mine and I were sitting in a meeting.
While sitting around a large table some folks became really fired up, voices were raised, huffing and puffing was in full effect. We were sitting side by side…and just looked at each other.
This colleague is also a good friend of mine and her son has Type 1 Diabetes. He is four. She hasn’t had a full night of sleep in over two years – because she (or her guy) gets up every two hours to check their son’s blood sugar. Her life is her phone, where she can check and track his blood sugar levels in ‘real time’ (which by the way is crazy cool). A month ago we were again sitting side by side as she checked her phone and turned white. I told her to leave the meeting. Nothing was more important in that moment than getting to her son.
She is truly remarkable and so is their family’s story.
So, what does this have to do with autism and this blog?
After this said meeting I looked and her and whispered, “Am I missing something here? Does it seem like that big of a deal?” She shook her head and replied, “No.” Then we smiled at each other…that silent type of smile that both of us just know what the other was thinking. So, what were we thinking?
It’s no biggie.
Much of life…it’s no biggie.
I don’t have a lot of time (or honestly…energy) to worry about this or that. Not much time or energy to get upset at this or that. Why? Because Tucker has brought real to my life. He reminds me daily…about what really matters; and therefore, what doesn’t.
In about a month I’m going to turn 40 – and one of the most important life lessons that I have learned this far is that most of it is no biggie. I say that with a half wink and half-smile smirk. How I wish I could tell the early 30’s me this very important lesson.
It’s no biggie.
Why is it no biggie?
Well…because I’m too busy being worried about other stuff.
When I received Tuker’s IEP Renewal letter and the questions were,
“Where do you see Tucker living post secondary?”
“What level of education do you see Tucker pursuing post secondary?”
“What career/profession/vocation do you anticipate Tucker pursuing post secondary?”
Seeing him not be able to find the words to communicate.
Watching him struggle to engage with his peers.
Contorting my body as we converse to try to get him to make some eye contact with me.
Calming a total meltdown at church because he didn’t know he had to acolyte (yes, all 6’4″ of him…this is getting much more difficult ya’ll)
I guess that’s why most of the time I am so calm. I recognize that most of life’s issues are really quite small. Most issues will pass or resolve themselves within a couple of days. However, my husband would also tell you it’s the very reason to pay close attention when I do get fired up about something…because that something is likely very real.
So what really does matter?
Him feeling loved.
Him understanding his worth.
If it doesn’t affect one of those things…I’m out. This is the real life lesson for me and maybe for all of us.
What is it that REALLY matters? Feeling happy, feeling loved, feeling worthwhile.
What if we all arrived to that place? The place where we removed from our lives those things that make us unhappy, unloved, and unworthy; and added to our lives those things that make us happy, loved, and worthy. What if our focus was on three questions…
What makes you happy?
What makes you feel loved?
What makes you feel worthwhile?
Do more of these and less of the others.
Like hot tubs on snowy days. Do more of that.
Thank you, Tucker – for yet another life lesson to make our lives more beautiful.