Day #323 – Overwhelming

Sometimes I’m absolutely overwhelmed.

Grab a tissue.

Sometimes I’m absolutely overwhelmed with love.

I’m not joking.  This is unlike any other post I’ve ever made…because today, I’m overwhelmed.

I love that he’s funny and doesn’t ‘get’ metaphors.
I love that everything is planned.
I love that he’s so accountable.
I love that he really doesn’t care what other people think.
I love it that when he sees me after a couple days away he greets me with his ginormous wingspan…just waiting to engulf his ‘little mama’ in a hug.
I love it that he still loves (and chooses) the movies he watched as a child.
I love it that he continues to read the Wimpy Kid book series…over and over and over again.
I love it that when we talk he won’t make eye contact and then there is a 2-second period that he will look directly at me.  That 2-seconds?  Overwhelming love.
I love it that he watches random YouTube videos for information like, “Salt doesn’t make water boil faster.  You need to know that since you cook for all of us.”
I love it that he wiggles because his clothes feel funny.
I love it that it sometimes takes him 5 minutes to get two sentences out – because man…they are some REALLY good thoughts.
I love it that he wears mismatched clothes because he put them on himself.
I love it that he retreats to quiet places when his brain feels like it’s going to explode.
I love that I get to have such a close relationship with his teachers.
I love that other people work at getting him.
I love when other people engage him – not just once, but patiently over and over again.
I love it when he tells me the toilet is clogged – because that means he really went (for those of you who have dealt with ASD related constipation…you know what I mean).
I love it when he can’t stop talking about the Vikings.
I love it when he gets so focused he can’t think about anything else.
I love his rule-following nature.
I love that he keeps me on a schedule.
I love it that he gets average grades but he’s so amazing in all the ‘non-graded’ ways.
I love it that we’ve done so much ’emotional labeling’ work that he’s more precise than most adults about what he’s feeling.
I love it that he talks like a grown up “Mom, I really appreciate you doing that for me.”
I love it that he never stops moving.
I love it that he’ll grab onto my hand in a public place.
I love it that he’s so careful.
I love it that he wraps himself before bed…in the same way I swaddled him as an infant.

I know I spend a lot of time writing about overcoming difficulties and developing coping strategies – but there are also moments that I have this overwhelming love for him.  Overwhelming love for autism.  I know it sounds weird – to love something that can cause pain and difficulty..but here is the deal.  It’s him.  The autism makes him who he is…this wonderful young man of mine.

His laugh is like a chorus singing.
His eyes twinkle like midnight country stars.
His smile is like a crescent moon.
His touch is as gentle as a furry caterpillar.

He has autism.  He is mine.  I really wouldn’t want him any other way.