Day #258 – The Line

First – these thoughts have been swirling in my head for quite some time.  If they don’t make complete sense, I apologize.  It’s a rare moment that I have difficulty putting thoughts into words…but here I am, having difficulty.

One of my other difficulties is with the line…

On one side of the line is helping Tucker develop coping strategies…because these strategies help him assimilate with all of us neurotypicals.
On the other side of that line is just leaving it all as is..because we should just accept who he is, as is.
The problem with the line?
We live in this world…not my ideal world where everyone is simply accepted for who they are – no questions asked.

On one side of the line is sitting him on the end of an aisle at a concert…because if he gets too overwhelmed he will disrupt the concert and won’t care who is watching or listening.
On the other side of the line is  putting him in the middle of an aisle…because one day he might get ‘stuck’ in that spot and he’ll have to figure it out.
The problem with the line?  
We live in this world…not my ideal world where no one would stare or whisper.

On one side of the line is allowing him to retake a test…because he forgot his ‘cheat sheet’ that the rest of the students had.
On the other side of the line is not allowing him to retake a test…because he won’t get ‘re-do’s in life.
The problem with the line?  
We live in this world…not my ideal world where the focus is learning to learn instead of learning for a grade.

On one side of the line is advocating for him to teachers…because he can’t always describe exactly how he needs help.
On the other side of the line is not advocating for him…because I won’t always be there.
The problem with the line?  
We live in this world…not my ideal world where he is ultimately self-aware of what he needs to thrive.

On one side of the line is leaving social events…because he needs his rest.
On the other side of the line is staying at social events…because he will have to figure out how to deal with his tired.
The problem with the line?  
We live in this world…not my ideal world where he could simply catch up on sleep at another time.

On one side of the line is me being proactive…because removing barriers is the best way for him to have continued success.
On the other side of the line is me allowing him to fail…because he will fail and needs to learn how.
The problem with the line?
We live in this world…not my ideal world where others will be there to pick him up after he falls.

On one side of the line is letting some misbehavior go…because he constantly feels not good enough.
On the other side of the line is reprimanding poor behavior…because how will he ever learn?
The problem with the line?
We live in this world…not my idea world where behavior is seen as a response to environment.

See the pattern here?  This is simply a sampling of my ‘line’ issues.  Know that every decision I (and other spectrum parents make) is often a shot in the dark…it’s a guess…it’s a best guesstimate.  Sometimes we’re spot on, and other times we’re way off – but we’re doing the best we can with what we already know and what we can anticipate.

Trust us – we would like to choose the side of the line that leads to the highest level of ‘typical’ness.’
Well, actually –  sometimes not.  See, there is this thing called ableism.

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THIS is the reason we struggle (or I struggle) with the line.  It’s simply a balancing act – accommodating his diversity while helping him develop skills that help him have success in a neurotypical dominated world.

Regardless of whatever side of the line we happen to fall on for the day, Tucker IS a fully essential human (unless tired, hungry, or hot – then he becomes sort of alien-like). I simply want him to strive to be the best version of himself.

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6 thoughts on “Day #258 – The Line

  1. Pingback: Day #267 – Just Keep Swingin’ | 366 Days of Autism

  2. Pingback: Day #299 – Getting ‘Better’ Part 1 | 366 Days of Autism

  3. Pingback: Day #325 & #326 – Clear Lake Views | 366 Days of Autism

  4. Pingback: Day #327 – Indexing | 366 Days of Autism

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