Day #249 – Losing Battles

Then…there are battles not even worth it.

As quoted on Day #247 – School Battles, Richard Carlson was right – most of it is small stuff.

While it’s very important small stuff sometimes you need to know when it’s time to throw the white flag, and feel good about it.

I often ask myself, “Will this matter?”  It may matter in that moment…but in the big ‘ol grand scheme of life, will it matter?

Carlson wrote, “The key to a good life is this: If you’re not going to talk about something during the last hour of your life, then don’t make it a top priority during your lifetime.”

Will it REALLY matter that he hates jeans?  Will I reflect upon that in my last hour of life?
Nah…I’ll just hope that he becomes a physical education teacher.

Will it REALLY matter that he doesn’t like mushy foods?  Will I reflect upon that in my last hour of life?
Nah…uncooked vegetables are better for him anyway.

Will it REALLY matter that he picks off the crusts? Will I reflect upon that in my last hour of life?
Nah…sure, it’s annoying – but it doesn’t really make a difference.

Want to know how I arrived to the point of not battling these battles?  I was tired.  I was exhausted.  I was worn out.

I was so tired, exhausted, and worn out that I barely had enough time to help and advocate for Tucker about the stuff that really mattered…

Stuff like writing skills…
Stuff like conversation skills…
Stuff like emotional reaction and recognition…

Will it matter to me, in my last hour of life, that he had the skills to effectively communicate with others? Will it matter to me, in my last hour of life, that he loved and was loved?

Yes.  So that is what I try focus on – helping him focus, build, and refine relationship skills. I’m certainly not perfect, but I am getting better and it’s helping me focus in other areas of my life.

When the table doesn’t get wiped after breakfast…
When there is laundry waiting…
When there are weeds staring at me…

In those moments, I remember what really matters. What will matter to me in my last hour of life?

The crusts, the jeans, the socks, the mushy foods, the bad grades, the broken pots, the unbrushed teeth? Nope…
Dirty tables, laundry, and weeds?  Not that either…

What will matter is when I look up and see those hazel eyes looking back at me. Then, I will know that I have done my job…these eyes will be looking in mine.

photo-21

In that moment, I will recall when I finally learned it was okay to throw the white flag…to go ahead and lose that battle.  Because within that loss, was the greatest win…the teaching of love.

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One thought on “Day #249 – Losing Battles

  1. Pingback: Day #327 – Indexing | 366 Days of Autism

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