My daughter’s teacher (Mrs. Hartman) posted a poem a while back on her Facebook site. Little did I know that my husband (who shares my Facebook account) had been keeping an eye on it…waiting for the right time to send it to me. He LOVES to read…and I LOVE words. We’re quite the pair.
I’ve been having a bit of a rough time of late – and it’s not been caused by anything or anyone. It’s simply been my own brain trying to match reality and expectation, which is dangerous behavior. I know it’s dangerous, but I think as humans we all get into the “I need to be this or do this” funk. I try really hard to stay out of comparison land because it leads to nothing but trouble. Unfortunately, I’m human…so sometimes I just end up there (okay…it’s not unfortunate that I’m a human…lol).
What’s causing the anxiety right now? All of the things we *should* do this summer and all the things I *want* to do this summer.
Learning to keyboard (type)
Exploring our state
Changing our diets to ‘preservative free’
I want to do all of these things.
I want to teach my children and expand their minds.
I want them to catch up in academic areas in which they are struggling.
I had a bit of a break-down thinking about all of these things – and working, and doing laundry, and keeping the house clean, and visiting friends/family, and…, and…, and…
I just can’t do it all – I did’t know how I was going to show them an extraordinary summer. It must have been pretty obvious that I was getting a bit stressed about all the shoulds and the wants.
Just in the nick of time he sent me this poem, with the caption, “This made me think of your awesome momness.” (I was later told that it came from “The Parent’s Tao Te Ching, A New Interpretation” by William Martin)
I was right in the middle of doing four different things. My phone beeped. I stopped. I read. I sat. I let the tears roll. I read it again. And again. And again. How did he know?
He pays attention and I knew he was right.
This is how I ‘mom.’ I’d like to say that I always planned on momming this way…but I think that would be a lie. It has everything to do with the spectrum entering our lives. The stress I was describing above was coming from the life I thought I would live.
The life I actually live is much better. Having autism in our home has helped me to recognize the marvel in everyday life. The pure joy when a fresh picked peach leaves juices rolling down your chin. The sorrow that is felt when we think of it being two years since our beloved Guinea Pig, Snuggles, passed on. The pleasure of holding a hand across a cold stream. The feel of a puppy’s wet nose against your hand…begging to be pet.
Thanks to Mrs. Hartman and my husband – this summer I’m going to wary of being a fool. Instead of an extraordinary summer, we’re going to focus on finding the marvel in the ordinary.
I have VERY good feelings…