Before I really get into today’s post – let me tell you that I KNOW it’s ridiculous. Trust me…
I have to believe that many of us struggle with ‘what I know to be true,’ ‘what I worry to be true,’ and the ‘truth of the unknown.’
Regardless, I promised to divulge my thoughts in this blog – no matter how ridiculous…so just bear with me. I teach my students that no thought or feeling is ridiculous or wrong – because if you are feeling or thinking it, it is valid. The ‘trick’ to living in a healthy way is being able to adjust those negative/worrisome feelings or thoughts into something positive and impacting. I believe that others have these thoughts – if that’s you, I want you to know you’re not alone (you could also comment below so I know I’m not alone…).
Today is Prom.
Of course, my bonus son is going to prom with a lovely young lady (they are ‘just’ friends). We just returned from a gathering of 14 young adults – we took all kinds of pictures and watched as they drove away in the party bus. Look at that good-looking young man (the old one is also a total hottie ;)).
Honestly…amongst the pictures, the smiles, and the laughter?
I couldn’t help but to think of Tucker.
I wonder if he’ll go to prom?
I wonder if he’ll be able to ask someone to go to prom?
I wonder if someone would ask him to go to prom?
I wonder if he would have a large group of friends to go to prom with?
Later tonight we will go to the Grand March where all of the young people will parade around the High School gym in their finest garb and we will ‘oh and ah’ at all of the beautiful people.
I won’t help but to think of Tucker.
If he does go to prom, would he be able to do the Grand March?
Will the people bother him?
Will the lights bother him?
Will people staring at him bother him?
How would he wear a tuxedo..and those shoes?
Would the smell of the boutonniere bother him?
How long would he be able to hold it together?
Now, let me say that I know prom isn’t THAT important. I know lots of folks don’t go to prom and do very well in life.
This really isn’t about prom – it’s about the milestones and events that children on the spectrum may experience in a different way, or not experience all together. It’s about the ‘extra’ thinking that parents of children on the spectrum do every day.
I have no doubt that Estelle will go to prom. Even if she doesn’t have a date – she will get all dressed up and go with a group of friends. She already talks about it…
It’s about one more thing that won’t happen in a ‘typical’ way and that’s okay – but I have to believe that many of us parents still mourn these events that their neurotypical peers enjoy.
Prom just happens to be the thing today that makes me think – about how life is different.
What I know to be true? Tucker may go to prom and he may not – either way he will be fine.
What I worry to be true? Tucker may not go to prom because it’s all just too much – conversations, relationships, clothes, expectations, etc.
The truth of the unknown? I don’t know the answer – so there is no point in worrying. Unfortunately, telling a spectrum mom not to worry is like asking us not to breathe (or any mom for that matter).
I could spend the rest of the night worrying and thinking…thinking and worrying, but that won’t change the fact that I really don’t know what will happen. The intersection of the above questions is where the truth lies – that is where my brain will set up camp for a bit.
Eventually, I’ll simply adjust my thoughts so my brain can move on…so I can move on.
Remember? I have a movie to watch this weekend (see Day #218 – Uh, Oh Something Was Funny).