Day #182 – Fools Don’t Rush In

The time change occurred and let me tell you about the havoc that causes in our home.

Saturday night, bedtime changed to 9 PM.  Last night it was 8:30 PM.  I get it, many parents are thinking – sure, we do the same.

My 5th grader handles the time change pretty well – this week we’ll have early bedtime every night to help Tucker adjust.  In the past – this has been one of the worst weeks in the history of weeks at school.  The time change messes with all of our internal clocks, but it is much harder for him to cope.  Tomorrow’s post will be about sleep difficulties in general – but today, messing with our existing ‘system.’

I don’t know why – but this morning while dealing with the time change and trying to get out of the house I was reminded of one of our very early ‘findings’ with Tucker.

Don’t rush.

Ever.

Never.

No matter what.  While most of us don’t like to be rushed, when helping a child on the spectrum it is 10…no 100…no 1,000 times worse.  Many of my writings over the past 180 days have the theme of patience…and this is no different.  It’s really about taking my own needs and wants out of the equation.  In my humble opinion, the worst thing for a child with autism is to be surrounded by people who put themselves first.  This isn’t about me – it never has been.

I would love to leisurely wake up with the sun, have a cup of coffee, sit and read a book while my children get their teeth brushed, hair combed, clothes on, and double-check/pack their own school bag.  I would argue that this isn’t reality for most parents though…so how is it different?

It’s constant.

Constant reminders about what time it is.

Constant reminders about what ‘jobs’ are left to do.

Constant calm voices keeping him on track.

Constant warnings…at 15 minutes

at 10 minutes

at 5 minutes

at 2 minutes

Every day – no matter what time I get up – it would be like this.

Of all things that are ‘unique’ to Tucker – this is something that hasn’t changed over the years.  Failing to be a responsible parent and provide these warnings for him will result in a meltdown.  A one-sided screaming match that will result in a terrible day.

Therefore, I’m up before him trying to take any obstacles out-of-the-way.  I also try to not yield ANY parenting power in the morning.  ANY.

For example – every Monday is Grilled Cheese Monday.  I know – it sounds silly, but it helps get everyone moving on Monday mornings.  Our local Kwik Star has Grilled Cheese Sandwiches for $1 on Monday’s.  My children think it’s a HUGE treat to stop for breakfast at Kwik Star, and I’m VERY happy to spend $2 on them when they think they are getting hooked up! (I hope they are always this easy to please,)  So, this morning I’m singing about it being a ‘Cheesy Monday’ and they are laughing (yes…I often sing made up songs that are ridiculous – getting them to laugh before school is simply one of my personal parenting requirements).

We need to be out the door at 8 AM.

Tucker, at 7:55, says…”Mom, I just don’t feel like a grilled cheese today.”

I want to say something…but it’s not the time and we’re out of time.

Deep breath – this is not that big of a deal.  We no longer have time for breakfast at home…so I simply say, “Okay – I’m sorry about that – you’ll just have to choose something else at Kwik Star because there isn’t time for cereal.”  He was okay with that.

We get there and our grilled cheese Monday costs $8.50 – much different from the normal $3.25.  No, not a huge deal – but I’m irritated…because I could have bought three boxes of cereal.

I want to say something…but it’s not the time and we’re out of time.

Then – he begins picking apart his breakfast sandwich.  The croissant is too crunchy (so half goes out the window), the bacon looks funny (so half goes out the window).  Here we are…with four bites of a sandwich left…in a situation that was already rubbing me wrong.

I want to say something…but it’s not the time and we’re out of time.

A bad morning simply results in a bad day – he is unable to turn it around. No amount of ‘choose your attitude’ will work.  Each morning the tone is set and anything to cause that tone to result in a negative disposition is not worth it – not for him, not for me, not for his friends, but especially…not for his teachers.

Fools Don’t Rush In.

Ever…

 

 

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One thought on “Day #182 – Fools Don’t Rush In

  1. Pingback: Day #327 – Indexing | 366 Days of Autism

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